Lost and found

Do you feel lost? Not physically but you're just in your world and no one knows how you're doing. Well, man that sounds edgy. Today, next year I will feel better and more confident about all this.

Tuesday, 4 April 2023 :)

Hey, there. remember my ambiguous start? well, yea I'm excited still but I have a feeling that I won't follow through with everything I say. So to keep myself accountable I promised myself I would post here every week before Sunday. although exams kept me last week (more like anime but..) I fell back and recently as a teenager who is pretty angsty life gets to you. 

maybe it's not that serious but someone in my personal life I want to approve of me has called me dumb in different ways, and has compared me and scrutinized every action I took. it's pissed and still pisses me off and that's to say a thing the least. it's not meant to be a rant but before it turns into one I want to say it affected me and I felt the need to act worse than before like watching more youtube or hitting up new friends on Discord who I probably shouldn't hang out with.

well, I came here to change my life for the better so maybe I should give it a shot. since my words will sound empty and I don't want to prove myself as all big talk and no actual action. it's not that I have to prove myself to anyone but I just want to achieve something so that one day I can look back and say Rosie you did the best you could. It's the fact I know I can do much better and I don't improve...

it is my brother's birthday tomorrow, I got a physics exam and after that on Thursday my last day of 8th grade, the social studies exam will take place. I gave up this exam because I was too crazy to even give it a shot and honestly I think I lie to myself just to not study yet. One of my friends I shared this to said I was too harsh with the timetable so I took a step back and tried to follow it in my imagination and maybe someone who has lots of motivation can follow it but I see myself getting burnt out as soon as summer starts.

Wednesday, 5 April 2023 :)

So I was shit-talking myself yesterday and I took a breather and went to bed. It was good. Today is better. Spoke to a close friend at school about feeling dumb and I gained hope it really helped me understand that it’s about self-improvement and not about all these emotions I feel about my personal life situations.

I got a certificate, 4th rank in an exam subject I wasn’t confident in due to past history. I felt like I accomplished something great and my parents were 🥹 proud. I’m happy. I want to study abroad I got to really hit the books 📚 now.

Man, we’re not going to get Riled up for anything this time 😤 . We can fucking do it. I believe my friend today could do it, and I believe you and I can too. Tomorrow is the last day of 8th grade. Today is the last day I put myself down like this. I’m so ready. Let’s go-

So some things I want to add to my summer things to do

- walk my dog 🐕 

- get better nails 💅 

- run around the terrace 🏃‍♂️ 

- study a bit of psychology 🧠 

- rollerblade 🛼

So I want to spend time with my precious pup. I want to stop chewing and sucking on my thumb. I want to not be so weak at physical education classes and be able to actually run. I want to be a better person and change my behavior, especially towards my baby bro. I want a roller blade since I never even used the roller blades the past couple of months and it’s fucking brand new ✨.

🙃 let’s tone down the schedule though! But I need to catch some 💤  today. So, tomorrow is my last day and the final day for this post ✉️ I will nail down my first schedules and activities. 😴 Night-Night.

Sunday, 9 April 2023 :)

Hey, I took a break since I was pretty exhausted 😩 but I’m back ready to get on track ❗️ 

So I went on a call and met up with a really good friend and long story short we’re doing this together now!

The timetable I'm following today

is noon 30 hw/ 30 min read or blog

1:00 pm Study 2nd lang 

2:00 pm study

3:00 pm call señorita :)

4:00 pm study

5:00 pm Walk

6:00 pm exercise 

7:00 pm bath

8:00 pm free

That’s it and for summer it’s pretty good since I don’t want to burn out quickly like before. I’m following the timetable today so I will post about it later.

(Side note: I will post every Sunday or so with like thoughts I have through the week)

This week was good but next week will be better,

See y’all next week :)

Yours truly,

Rosie :))