failure at its finest (update)

We all have patterns and routines we fall back on, and this can be such a great thing, but I failed and can't bring myself to admit I'm actually a coward. Do you think you will ever be able to change? I don't know, but I'm doubting more than ever.

 Tuesday, May 2, 2023 :) 

Hey, it's day 25/61 of summer. I feel so awful and lonely. How did I get here when I was so euphoric to change? Why am I not surprised? There are 35 days left. I need to change out of this shitty shell of who I really am. I can't help but feel lonely, but I don't want anyone except two specific people. I'm not going to degrade myself anymore since I did have fun and it's summer.   

 I don't want to excuse my behaviour, though. I know this is not something to be proud of, to fail because I am scared of work and responsibility, to push it back further because of fear, irritability, when all I need is to take a small step. Today I wanted to share this blog with a specific person, and I'm going to message this person after I finish this! 

I really am dedicated and not spouting false promises since I did try my best to get back on track, but I always told myself tomorrow, but now I'm back, better than ever. I'm starting over.

 Peace out,

Rosie                                                                                            (actual blogposts on Sundays:)