˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚Wednesday, September 27 2023 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

  

Wednesday, September 27th 2023

Hey there, it's Rosie! 😊 Long time no see! How are you? I'm holding it together. I don't know how to feel anymore, maybe because I'm growing up ッ, but I feel so darn awful sometimes and have crazy mood swings. It's like I'm not that 7th-grade kid anymore, all alone, escaping lonely hours with endless scrolling and porn... 😓

I do have friends, and I love them. But I dislike my thoughts, and I can't help but be negative. 😞 I know I should stay positive, not compare, support my friends, and avoid being an attention seeker, but sometimes I'm messed up. I've set goals, hoping to get out of my 8th-grade slump and achieve my dreams from the last 5 years, but I kept failing, giving up, crying, and being petty.

It's not about having "forever friends" now, because the memories I made with my ex-friends are precious to me. These girls mean everything to me this year. I can't deny that, but something feels off. If I share this with them, I doubt they'll understand. My brain can't stay neutral or have a constant mood. I haven't even had my period since June.

Okay, so did I come back to complain? No. I've also done some great things. I'm much more social now (I even did 3 public speeches). I love my friends, have a good relationship with one online friend and my sister, improved academically, did 10 minutes of physical exercise yesterday, and worked hard this week. I just want to treat myself better. My emotions are like the Wild West right now, and I have to do something about it or it will mess me up physically, mentally, and academically. 🌟

Next summer, I plan to tutor kids, attend psychology programs, and seriously study psychology to get ahead academically. I want to fix my mindset slowly. 📚

During these 6 days of holidays, I'd like to focus on my health (lose a few pounds), study and get ahead of my peers gradually (building that good habit), and work towards my art goals. I need to get 8 hours of sleep per day and update my personal progress on this blog every week (I don't care which day). I shared this site with my friends because I thought they should know everything about my life, but now I want only me and strangers with similar goals to know. 🤐

What's stopping me? Extremes. The idea that I have to do only THIS and NEVER do that. The pressure to compete, waking up at 3 a.m. to study, getting only 5 hours of sleep, and idolizing the overachievers. That's not healthy, so I need to stop. I need to stop comparing myself to others who seem to excel in everything. I get the urge to isolate myself and be THAT girl, but I know I'll end up crying alone in class. 😭

I didn't do well in chemistry. I got 50%-60%, that's what the teacher remembered. But who cares? I love gay audiobooks, and I'd do anything for them. So what if I'm petty or jealous sometimes? Who cares if I draw worse than someone younger than me? As I listed some of my accomplishments, I want to write about the positives... 😄

Rosie 🌼

Here are some positives about me:

• Good at art and creative 🎨
• Strong in English and with great academic potential 📚
• Tough and have overcome many internal battles 💪
• Mature beyond my years and insightful 👁️
• Willing to acknowledge my wrongdoings and understand my faults 🙏
• Passionate about psychology and determined to help people improve themselves 🧠
• Enthusiastic about various interests, from musicals to webcomics ❤️
• Friendly and sociable, can keep a conversation going 🗣️
• Love my dogs and excel in reading and writing (except spelling LMAO) 🐶📖
• Proud of my cute Asian face and short height 😊
• Complex and a deep thinker, motivated to achieve my goals 🌟
• Someone people look up to, cute and funny, a great friend 🤣
• Skilled at salvaging relationships and making the right choices 🤝
• Self-help enthusiast, writing diary entries and blog posts 📝
• Kind and helpful on KOKO, maintaining friendships 🗨️
• I like myself. I'm unique and cool. Sometimes, negative thoughts get to me, but you know what? I only have this life. I only have today; tomorrow isn't promised. I don't want to grow up and be overwhelmed by that thought. I don't want to be someone's girlfriend forever. I want to achieve my goals, be healthy, fit, happy (not all the time, of course), and enjoy what I love, like reading webcomics and audiobooks. I want this; I want to be myself because I'm awesome. 🌈

TOMORROW NOTE TO SELF:

• Start "Atomic Habits" again.
• Create a realistic plan for this holiday.
• Have fun, but in moderation. Exams are over, honey; you can sleep. 😴

I love you all.

Yours truly,

ROSE <33

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